Message for TGH: I told you 18 months ago that I had all correspondence between us saved and warned you that if you did not stop messing with me, I would expose you. I stand by everything I’ve said in my posts – though you should know that despite everything you put me through, if at any point you had asked me to take the posts about you down, I would have. It didn’t have to end this way but like you once said, these things don’t end well. I have some good memories and many bad ones. You never really treated me with the respect and consideration I deserved and you can’t treat someone personally and professionally the way you did and expect to get away it. I’m calling a truce – the posts will stay up but I will not add any further revelations. Enough of the truth has been made public and people are welcome to believe whatever they want. I’m now very happy in my life and wish you all the best Brendon.
*This post links with ‘How To Date An Arsehole’ https://wp.me/p9u5hw-4K, ‘Get Lit (Not Gaslighted…)’ https://wp.me/p9u5hw-Gr and ‘Invisible Scars’ https://wp.me/p9u5hw-Sf My trio of posts on toxic relationships/gaslighting/emotional abuse
I didn’t want to reveal his identity but felt I had no choice and was not prepared to protect him any longer. My apologies to his family – the only innocents in this situation.
It is not OK for men in positions of power to abuse that power and that’s what he did. My relationship with him affected my health, my career, led to a nervous breakdown, and I had to take extreme measures to get away from him (wrote a provocative blog post and left the country – twice!). When I made a complaint I expected it to be taken seriously. Instead I was fobbed off, felt dismissed as a liar, was expected to go quietly, and received online abuse for speaking the truth. If you have read my blog posts ‘How To Date An Arsehole’, ‘Get Lit (Not Gaslighted…)’, and ‘Invisible Scars’, you should understand why I felt so strongly about speaking out about the way I was treated by this man and how he was essentially allowed to get away with it. Unacceptable and unfair. Shame on those who were complicit. This man once told me that he always gets what he wants and by allowing him to get away with how he treated me, personally and professionally, it sends the message that this kind of behaviour is condoned. Absolute disgrace.
We are living in the age of #MeToo and #TimesUp. Anyone, male or female, who abuses a position of power should be prepared to be accountable for their actions. This wasn’t just a ‘messy romance gone wrong’, there was professional misconduct here hence why I spoke up and made a complaint. I trusted that my complaint would be taken seriously but unfortunately not so. How is it OK for a man to abuse his position of power or for a married man to kiss a female member of staff in the workplace?? (He asked me to have sex on his desk – what a cliché – but I declined; his erection pressed up against me told me he wasn’t joking). I was not asked to provide further details or evidence, which I said I was willing to provide. Perhaps it didn’t suit the company’s agenda or image to pursue the matter? Overall, I felt they just didn’t want to know and it was easier for them to sweep it under the carpet.
The problem with that, of course, is that when people feel they are not heard, they tend to shout even louder, the truth always comes out in the end anyway, and my blog and Instagram give me a voice and a platform to express myself. I have never written publicly anything I haven’t already said in private to those concerned or anything that I couldn’t prove.
Touched by the lovely messages of support I have received, applauding me for speaking the truth and for discussing a difficult topic. Women have contacted me to say that they can relate to my experience and reading my blog has helped them. Emotional abuse and ‘gaslighting’ in relationships is not acceptable and I wrote my blog posts to provoke discussion of the issue, and to help me deal with the negative impact this toxic relationship had on me. I have had to fight my way to happiness and the good place I am in today, and hope my blog posts help others recognise/recover from damaging relationships. I also hope that I have encouraged others to speak up if they are experiencing or have experienced unacceptable behaviour by an authority figure in the workplace – it’s not OK and we have to speak up to do something about it.
There is a difference between speaking out in anger and speaking out because you want to stand up for your beliefs and it’s the right thing to do – I don’t want anyone else to go through what I did. I have no regrets about speaking the truth…
*Interesting article on dealing with trauma after a toxic relationship https://www.bustle.com/p/11-signs-you-are-experiencing-trauma-after-a-toxic-relationship-8759486 Reach out for help if you need it.